deviantART

First of all, I want to say that I love this^ album. I love dds. One of the few bands recently (i.e. like since 2019) ((also Holly Herndon is amongst this too but she hasn't released anything from PROTO and is like DEEP into AI creation which, I'm not a total AI hater not sorry to say, but I remember some years back she started getting into NFTs and shit, and I was just like ok girl.. But it's funny to see how Grimes copied SPAWN and then started crying about fans not only making better Grimes songs than Grimes herself but also that she should be getting royalties essentially. Fucking insane. And I know this statement isn't anything new, but also depressing as hell that Grimes became what she was, as an early Grimes fan (how many more times can I write Grimes in this entry). I don't even really know what I'm trying to say right now, I had many points I wanted to expound on but as I started actually writing them out, of course they all left my brain.

I do still remember some of my points, and I'm just so sick of having to read the most henious, depressing, truly absurd shit and hold my tongue. We all know why. Females know why. That should say enough. And I'm **SICK** of it. Sick of the retarded, braindead accusations. Sick of seeing bullshit happening in real-time and everyone turns a blind eye because of intangible "realities". Imagine if I demanded people view me as funny because I *know* I'm funny, and it's an integral part of my identity and denying this makes me feel so bad about myself that I want to kill myself. How is that anyone's fucking problem besides the person who's feeling that? Like I'm so sorry that you cant control the thoughts of everyone around you, but you can't, and you need to accept that lmafo. Fucking INSANE that we have created a culture around "actually, no, you MUST see me as I see myself or you're a facist". Fuck it I don't CARE about pretending! I haven't for years! I don't shut up and will NOT shut up about it! But what is my faut is choosing to read shit to seethe. Going to try and stop that behavior in this new chapter of my life, at least <3 But I will never shut up about reality.

Anywayyyyy. Tomrorow is my official first move in day, cannot wait to be out of this fucking apartment honestly. Nothing but negativity here and it needs to be shed. This new place will be so so much better, I know it will. Again, I'll do a longer post with some interior pictures to show you how AWESOMEEEE it is!!! Just gotta get through the sucky aspect which is the actual move. Ah well... Onto better things!!! Happy Friday!: -D

I haven't listened to the song listed above minute, let alone the album. Great album, by the way-- [Venice by Fennesz] if you haven't listened to it before. I can't say I'm any sort of well-rounded Fennesz listener, but I have listened to a lot of his albums if not passively. Fennesz is actually the first musician that my boyfriend and I talked about and immedaitely bonded over; like literally THE first musician I named, he was like "whoa I was just listening to him a ton this week". Anyhoo. An album I didn't know of & he showed me is [this] one with Sparklehorse.

Unrelated, I just went down a minirabbit hole of looking at my old last.fm (haven't used it since I broke up with my ex) but I saw some followers listening to a musician that I was actually friends with back in my Tumblr days. I was a big Tumblr girl, heavy in the Animal Collective "fandom" I guess it truly was (but it was like riiiiiight at the cusp of when people started freely using that word. DOESN'T MATTER I GUESS. I just cringe at current vernacular but I guess that's what it's like to ~grow up~). When I made my shitty music and would post it on Tumblr, this guy that I became friends with thru the community at the time also made music. But he really liked my music and wanted to collab with me and I wrote some tunes for it but ended up just like.. Never following up. I've regretted it for a while because I think it could've really been something special and maybe more could've grown from it, but what can you do. I was 18 years old and not thinking. Anyway I read on the comments of his last.fm page that apparently Ethel Cain recommended his music to people. Ngl, not a fan of Ethel Cain on any level but it's just wild to hear the two names alongside each other.

I'll speak of another hot take, because I think within the internet sphere, people suck Ethel's dick (pun half-intended) and have lately been obnoxiously singing the praises of: Chappell Roan! Yes, I am one of the seemingly very few people who really don't care about her on any level. I won't lie, [Good Luck, Babe!] has absolutely been stuck in my head and I enjoy singing it a lot because we're within a similar registrar, but you know what else get's stuck in my head? [I Love to Singa] (objectively better tho tbh). Don't get me wrong, she can sing and she's making fine pop music, but that's all it is to me--fine. And I think that's all it really *is*, but what she also Is, is marketable; who doesn't love a totally kweer & totally lesbian musician?! (sorry, my tinfoil is that she is not a lesbian but a regular bisexual girl like the rest of us. People don't realize she got out of a 4 year relationship with a man and immediately claimed lesbianism, which I'm not acting like isn't possible, but it's just interesting how it became immedaitely marketable for her. And she talks about her being a lesbian all the time yet the only people I actively see her prop up are drag queens and TW.. it just feels inauthentic to me. And inb4 someone goes 'what does a lesbian have to do to be 'authentic' to you? idk, maybe date a woman for starters would be cool.) Her image and ability to actually sing is what sells her, not the quality of her music besides a really braindead, shallow take of it. Call me a prude for this next take, idk, but I'm sick of female artists singing these extremely sexually explicit songs. I feel like female artists feel this need to embody how men sing about women because literally "men do it too", but the most recent sexually explicit songs I can think of involve womenxwomen action. And it's like, you want to "objectify" a man in your song, that makes more sense. But you're just objectifying women while pretending you're empowering yourself and other women by talking about sex in such a "blunt" way. It reaks of lazy writing packaged in "it's for the girls and the gays <3" messaging because marketers know these online "communists" don't think about what they consume if it has a rainbow slapped on it.

Ok I'm ending that rant lole.. I have a lot of opinions and feelings on things. But I don't need to unleash it all I guess! This journal entry definitely feels long enough! xP I leave you with [this] album that autoplayed after The Point of It All ended!

In a blink of an eye, it'll be the morning and I'll be driving on the highway. Forced to work a job I didn't ask to do, that no one asks to do. For the most part. And I'll sit at the same desk and talk to the same people and have the same conversations and laugh at the same beats. And maybe sometimes the pattern will break, and I'll manage to shed a tear for myself and everyone (especially those with truly no choice in life) in the company bathroom, only to walk out and great the big wig with a smile. And then it's back to the same rhythm, the same leaving, the same drive, the same saying-when-entering. The same removal of socks and shoes, the same kissing and loving over cat. The latter brings joy but the former is nothing but drovel. What becomes of the night past 5 PM is pretty predictable even still. And then I sleep if I don't nap my night away, and I wake up and the self-flagellation starts again.
*clears thought* Now for the updates.. The Journal tab on my deviantART is working! :-D (pressing General let's you toggle back to my profile). The previous "Journal" link I had on my [main site] is defunct and this will act as my journal from here on out! Just made more sense to me, I don't at all lead that interesting of a life to have two formats in which I chronicle it. I will eventually (HEAVY emphasis on "eventually") get the gallery page "running", as well as get some sort of comment system up. But that isn't too important to me right now! Just things I plan to do.

Besides journal updates, I've also added more [icons/categories] in the icon nexus if you want to go ahead and check those out!

In terms of my personal life, I've been playing FFXIV a ton. I created a new character some months ago because I was going to play with my boyfriend, but he hasn't wanted to play (doesn't game too much) and I've wanted to so I just said fuck it and have been doing shit on my own! My first character only made it to level 80 (blackmage) and I'm like a QUEST away from finishing fucking Shadowbringers lmfao so... Yeah really far behind teehehe..

This time around I'm going to actually play play! And it's been years since I played through the beginning--was with an ex who made me speedrun it cause I was too slow for him yet would get angry at me for not remembering lore shite. I digress. Now it's fun playing by myself and actually enjoying the game and paying way more attention than I did before. Idrc about the memes about playing thru certain expansions, I'm just in it for the ride man!

I'm also in the process of moving still, and need to be entirely cleared out of the apartment by Sept. 1st. Entirely doable, I'm just feeling lazy as FUCK honestly. I just wanna be in and decorating already!!!!!!!!

IMPORTANT NOTICE: I did not recode deviantART's old layout, I merely ripped it from a waybackmachine link and "stabilized" (i.e. deleted as much of the obvious ((to me)) junk and saved everything locally so the code didn't continue to pull from archived links) the code as much as a layman like me possibly could. There is still MUCH to do.

Ahhhh, I'm so happy to be "finished" with this art page!!!!! As mentioned in the blurb above, there is so much to be done for this page that it's overwhelming to think about. I'll slowly be working on getting the links to function (mainly the gallery, journal, & scraps links, as well as implementing a comment system. that's last on the agenda but also tied with it all. ANYHOO) as close to this version of deviantART as I can. That, however, will be a mega super ultra work in progress. For now I'm content with merely the aesthetics of it all. And truthfully, I just *really* wanted needed to get it out into the world instead of obsessing over it in private as I have been.. x.x

More than anything, I'm excited to have finally made a pixel ID of my own!! I would stare in awe at all the ones I'd see back on my days on true deviantART--I may have attempted one at some point but it didn't survive any computer changes. But now I have one that I think childhood me would be proud of : D : D ... Actually, I type that out and NO childhood me would NOT approve of this; I was super anti smoking/drug/alcohol/etc. Sorry chitlin me...

It's a Wednesday, everyone! I was going to type "happy" but what's "happy" about forcing yourself to work petty, meaningless jobs because otherwise you wont be able to live on the most basic level? Why does it feel like I'm the only one (relative to the people I work with) who genuine despise bullshit work and wasting my time. Everyone is like hurr durr such is life, and just keep going and complain of course but just accept it. It's not even a learned helplessness type of acceptance, it's a total compliance to "people work to live. you don't work to live, you don't deserve to live" mentality almost. I'm the lazy sack of shit because I think it's POINTLESS to be a paid body for 8hrs a day. I pretend to work for roughly 7 and a half hours, the other 30 mins is all it takes to complete what I need to do. And sure, I don't go out of my way to beg for work, so I evidentally come across as someone who doesn't care about their job beyond a baseline level (which is true, albeit I care even less than they probably assume lole). So why would they give me work when I take my time and obvoiusly don't care? I get it, It's a double-edged sword.. I was disrespected the first week I started (two years ago) which set the tone for me, and bullshit continued to follow, so I just stopped caring. Anyway, long rant when all I'm saying is: Fuck working to survive, it is such a crime against hummanity to commidify life they way humans have.

I'm glad I'm friendly with the IT department and that they'll never care about the shit that I do, because I can keep wasting the company's time on the World Wide Web! And as of yesterday I have privacy film on my monitors, so I can bullshit even MORE! Oh happy day! xP

I started typing this an hour ago, but was actually getting pulled up from my desk that I wasn't able to finish it until now! I guess that means duty calls.. plus, my lunch break is in about 15 mins. Yahooo!! Only three more hours to gooooooooooo!!~