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This little corner of the web is an We've Only Just Begun!20 FEBRUARY 2025, 4:11 PM
As far as personal updates, the below mention of visiting my boyfriend has come and gone; I got back home yesterday. The amount of US plane crashes happening made me immensely paranoid but I decided to fly and not drive and thankfully I'm alive to tell the tale. Besides this lovely week celebrating Valentines/our year anniversary :p, nothing else exciting has happened. I cleaned off my entire desk at work today because it feels like the axe will come swinging down at any moment and I don't want to do the walk of shame with all of my crap. That could also be paranoia talking but I equally welcome being fired with open arms. I can finally be free! I will apply for unemployment and leech off this company for as long as possible. But unfortunately I'm still a wagie... Though I guess with how Emperor Trump is acting out, I really should try and keep this job as much as I can what with the hoards of now fired and experienced government personnel on the job market now. Don't even get me started with all the bullshit going on. Nothing makes me doom, want to kill myself, kill others, rip my skin off more than what is going on currently. And the argument that "Trump is projecting female spaces" is the biggest cope to date. You really think he or his administration CARE about males larping as women and what that does to us as a class? You really think that's *care*? All this has done is push people like me--leftist people who refuse to adhere to gender ideology--more in the fringe because of our neofascist state is also saying that males aren't female; understanding sex class designation doesn't not and will never immediately make you a conservative, a Trumper, or an alt-righter and it makes me sick this will be further used as a political wedge. I'll end my rant with one last statement: it's disgusting that so many people deserve to die in the most horrific and drawn-out ways, and they aren't. *UNINTELLIGIBLE LANGUAGE*9 FEBRUARY 2025, 12:22 PM
I had initially written an update on Jan. 26th that was [evidently] scrapped, which you can read here.
What is there to say that hasn't been said a thousand times over by my own mouth? What do I have to complain about, really? Or talk about anymore. What do I even do? Think and think and think and think and think until I'm nothing.
Rotting away in a room I'm trying to make beautiful. For whom? Myself? The visible, omniscient God of Cool? UGH.
I want to be honest but I also know things are in my control and it makes me feel sick to speak about it because re: What do I have to complain about, really?. I'm not really sure where to go with this line of thought outside of my mind.
And by "I'm not really sure where to go" I mean, I'm not really sure if I should be that stupid online. Forever a love/hate/ relationship with posting personal details online.
I am trying to use this *legitimately* as a diary and not ~as a diary~ despite what my Tumblr using early 20s ass would cope with. It was for attention, damnit!
And that feeling never goes away when it comes with online posting. Again, love and hate.
So many things have happened this month despite the sameness of it all, and there are things to look forward to. There are also things I need to work on/commit to, but forming habits sucks and reforming them can be even worse
because of the shame of knowing all this time has passed that could've been spent honing it. No use crying over spilled milk etc. so instead of doing my cope is avoidance until confronted yet again. I wish there were easy,
cushy ways to proceed down the path I want but I really think I'm at the point I HAVE to grow up and set a schedule and just do it. I'm going to be turning 30 this year, shit has absolutely got to change. I'm excited for my 30s and
I don't want them to be spent in the misery wasteland of my 20s.
After that thought vomit left my brain and I realized what I wrote, I hated it and stopped editing altogether. Coupled with issues I've been having in general with creating/wanting to & wanting to be on my computer/interact with people at all, it was put to the backburner. This is hopefully one of at least a couple more bandaids I'll rip off. But I hate saying I'll do anything in writing because like time has taught us, I'm unreliable. In the spirit of what I had previously written, I didn't want to delete it and rewrite it and pretend that cringe draft didn't exist, because it did and I know that damnit! And I feel if I don't leave it up in some format, I'm going against a core pillar for how I wanted to show Myself on this site. Not too many updates in terms of my life. I'll be going to visit my BF next week for about a week which I'm really looking forward to, but with all the plane shit going on I'd be lying if I said I wasn't paranoid. As if I wasn't about flying before .. ! :~D Ah, well. I considered driving but it'd be my first time, number one, and number two it'd take anywhere from 7 and a half to 9 and a half hours.. >.< Not sure if I feel like doing that when I have to work the next day! In unrelated-to-my-life news, it was really surprising to see the influx of "followers" I've received over my time away. Not really sure what happened, but I appreciate people being interested in my site! It's really awesome seeing what others have created for themselves too. And we're back to me again.. I've been playing a TON of Pokemon TCG (friend code is: And since I've been having so much Pokemon on the brain, I've started replaying Omega Ruby and actually trying to 100% the Pokedex, amongst other things. Any time I've played in my adult years, if it was emulated I'd just cheat and get my dream team from the start (I have morals, they'd be the first evolutions and I'd work my way up) or I'd get my core team in the cartridges and keep them the whole time; I feel bad for the Pokemon that just sit in my PC so I've for like a decade plus tried to limit that lole :C So it's been a nice change of pace to play like this again! I also have Alpha Sapphire, so I've been catching some Pokemon there and trading them over to OR which has been a lot of fun too. So lately it's been a lot of avoidance and getting comfy in my bed to play Pokemans. p: 
I really hope the months have been good to anyone reading this. Spring is just around the corner! SOMETIMES I WISH I COULD CLONE MYSELF SO I COULD ACCOMPLISH ALL I SET OUT TO DO, AND WE'D SHARE A HIVEMIND AND COLLECTIVELY BECOME BETTER PEOPLE20 NOVEMBER 2024, 4:32 PM
I promise haven't forgotten about this site!!!!! It's being slowly worked on in the background, and I come on nearly every day to see what everyone else is up to!! But too much time has passed [noticeably] on my calendar and I've hated how I fucked up the code so that the blurbs within my calendar get cut off, so I just said 'enough's enough'. And I fixed that! as well as some broken links/images, added a quiz results page inspired by many people on here! And I've also added a Neopets section. Currently just houses my two accounts, but I want to add some content in the near future.. Playing Neoclassic has been so much fun and has made me want to make premades primarily for there. Fingers crossed I find the drive to stick with everything I hope to do!The Anyway x?, I really want to make a Christmas special layout so keep an eye out for that within the next couple weeks :3 I also will be adding more tweaks to my main site but I've put off on even this minor update far too long so ENOUGH'S ENOUGH AGAIN!!! Oh, and have a happy Thanksgiving if you celebrate! I cannot wait to dig into some sweet potato pie... xP 
Oh shit, it's autumn already!22 SEPTEMBER 2024, 9:49 AM
Summer came and went, and I didn't do a damn thing I planned to. I'll tell myself "I'll do these things next summer for SURE", only to repeat the same cycle. It sucks not having [female, irl] friends, but I also need to learn to be comfortable with that reality and go out and do things by myself. I'm the only one holding myself back! We all have the power to change ourselves, it just can be so daughting can't it? D: It's a new season though, so it's time to make changes!!Some updates about my apartment: still no desk! Still using the windowsill! And by GOD does it fucking suck! I have half a mind to cave and buy a cheap folding table, but I don't want to put my money into something that is temporary when I can suffer and save it for that ~dream desk~, whenever she appears before me! But it's made my desire to want to play games or do creative things online (even edit my Neocities) more annoying than usual. Maybe that's what I tell myself to cope, because it's not like I'm doing much offline either. The most I've done is force myself to start reading. I was going to say "get back into reading" but that implies I was a reader recently, and the last time I actively read was age 15 (now 29). Sad!!!!!!!!!!!! My boyfriend recommended Between Two Fires by Christopher Buehlman which I finished a couple days ago, and I can't stop thinking about it! I love historical fiction, and throw in a medieval setting with horror themes and you can count me right in! If anyone has recommendations, feel free to use the chatbox to let me know! I think I'm going to set up an email for my site in the coming months, as well as do a little revamp. I'll save that for my desked times, though. Anyway, the world in BTF was reminding me so much of a tabletop game Kingdom Death: Monster. Time to make more tea because I have the flu and I'm out! If you're in the northern hemisphere, I hope you enjoy this beautiful first autumn day! : -D 
I Have Innumerable Mosquito Bites And I Must Scream05 SEPTEMBER 2024, 4:17 PM
Things you forget after living not in a first floor apartment for the past four years: when it's summertime, mosquitoes are still out. And when you live in a home that is multiple
hundred years old with unseen hoels, windows surrounded by trees and other foliage.. bugs come through! And not only that, when you enjoy drinking & smoking for pleasure, which requires sitting outside at points, if you're not wearing long
pants and sleeves you WILL be eaten alive; at least 15 bites on each of my legs alone. My ankles are having it the worst. -_- And they're soooo fucking small too!!! I try and clap them dead whenever I see them, but alas it's more difficult
during the night hours...Besides the 'squitoes, my new apartment is amazing. I feel so excited to pull into the driveway and come into my new home. Still lots to unpack and I need to properly decorate but we're getting there slowly! I'm in desperate need of a corner shelf and desk for my computer. This is what I'm temporarily working with:  Looks ok in theory, but besides being right up against the windows for all the world to see, it is EXTREMELY uncomfortable and just not doable long term. Fingers crossed I find a desk this weekend!! As I've written this, I've acquired 2 new mosquito bites... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Good things are coming! .. ?13 AUGUST 2024, 4:30 PM
Hello everyone! This issss Running on Empty, foood Review. ! Lol sorry I can't write "hello everyone" without hearing that intro in my head.. >,> Forgive me. It's been a little while since
I've updated this mini-journal/more in-depth updates section I have. Actually, while adding this, I was thinking about how I'm going to get rid of the lower righthand display of updates. Pretty
redundant and I explain most of what I write there, in here anyway. Like, for example, I'm *trying* to be more active in posting to my journal,
and absolutely need to get my music log/diary/whatever done!!!!! I've been listening to a lot of music and would like an outlet to write about it. Soon!!!!!For now, my mirror deviantART is sorta functional! I'll get the Gallery tab and comments sorted eventually (the former before the latter). In my personal life, I'll be officially moved out in less than two weeks!!! Still in the process of packing and figuring out movers if I'm honest, and will probably be updating sorta slower because of it. But nonetheless, I'm excited to start this new chaper of my life and will be putting all of myself into the words I say and thoughts I have. Can't say the past four years have been anything close to great, but this apartment was my first and it will be preserved in nostalgia just as everything else is to me. This song is feeling like a good sendoff. I'll never forget my time here. So long, Grasshopper. Have I won the lottery yet?24 JULY 2024, 6:00 PM
Boy howdy, has this month been fucking insane. For once I can say that I'm looking forward to the end of the summer months, and am eagerly awaiting September. But I digress...I've added more avatars [and pages], as well as started the icons directory. ALSO made a new journal entry that goes indepth as to why this month has been absolutely bonkers! and general life updates, if you feel inclined to read. Unrelated to updates/Neocities, but I cannot express how obsessed and excited I am by the nina.chat project. I've made some postings about it, but the project aims [pun half-intended] to rebuild AIM, amongst other platforms. You sign up through Escargot, pay $5, let them know to which username the donation is going to, and bam! You now have AIM access damn near the real thing. Here's an example of how it looks:  Icons work on both yourself & your buddy [I've noticed that gifs will stop loading sometimes--for your own icon, just click on it and press "ok" and it'll reload. Could be a personal gripe but figured I'd mention it]. Also, the latest update [5.9.etc] is the one to download!! Good thing I've just started adding 50x50 icons! 
Some updates, some ramblings...30 JUNE 2024, 07:44 PM
Woo hoooo, FINALLY adjusted [i.e. fixed entirely] my audioplayer :-D This is exactly how I've wanted it, and is now solidfying the larp in my heart of running a personal site like this as if
it was still the early 2000s lole... My childhood nostalgia feels especially strong today being that my birthday is tomorrow [July 1st] and it's the last year of my 20s. My 30s don't scare me, don't
get my wrong, but god DAMN was ever older person right about the years passing you by x.X I've also opened up my journal link! Baby steps...Anyway, past Wednesday I wont be able to really update the site until next week, as my boyfriend is visiting for said birthday and we'll be traveling around my area! Last time he was here I didn't take nearly enough pictures on my cameras--I will Anyway x2, I hope everyone has a great week and I hope most of you either have off or don't have to work period! My first posting!26 JUNE 2024, 10:11 PM
I can't begin to describe what a As mentioned in the above blurb, this site will be in a "work in progress" state for quite some time... Please hold tight while I get this site up-and-running how I'd like! c: To any straggler who happens upon my domain, welcome! And thank you so much for checking this site out. I'm looking forward to cultivating my dream online space and sharing it with the world! Have a happy summer! <3 |
